can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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