i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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