let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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