I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize