so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She even gives head with a lisp.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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