this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize