Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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