Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
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the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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