Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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