am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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