i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize