Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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