Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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