this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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