I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize