I just gift wrapped bread.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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