I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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