You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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