i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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