Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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