It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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