If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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