i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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