i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize