he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize