peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize