Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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