Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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