He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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