$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just invented taco cereal.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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