I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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