Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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