Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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