just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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