We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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