I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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