woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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