the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
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