piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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