Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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