I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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