i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We smell like vodka and hangover
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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