I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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