Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize