You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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