The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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