We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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