drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops high fived after they tackled you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize