She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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