Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize